Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
