you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up under a house in Key West
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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