I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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