I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
