Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
