At least make sure they are 18
Why
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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