shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
