low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
