I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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