Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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