You work out of a Hotel?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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