why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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