idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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