nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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