I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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