Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You may now shotgun with the bride
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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