could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
