like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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