Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
