omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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