does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Acid is not a monday night drug
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
