Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
