I CAN MOONWALK!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
