he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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