Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
