Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
