bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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