something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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