So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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