two words: eviction party
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
