god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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