how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
