There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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