Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
