Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Say something about gay babies.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
