i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
