Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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