i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
