ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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