i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
