you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We are two peas in an std pod
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize