I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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