I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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