Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
