i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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