I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
