You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
