where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
