You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
