So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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