Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
