That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
