ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
