Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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