I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
