My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize