I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
