I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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