So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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