someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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