we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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