Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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