On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
