So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
